Do Your Best to Trust Others' Best

I think we’re all trying to do our best. At the very least, we’re trying to do our best to discover what’s best so we can then operate from there. The thing is, a lot of times these don’t always line up with the people we keep in our lives. My idea of what’s best in any given situation may differ vastly from what you believe is best. Take, for example, the value of “I want to live!” This weekend, I had an experience where this belief was at the heart of two competing yet valid opinions from a shared value. My sisters and I had plans to head to a Phish show, a sacred and rare event for the 3 of us together these days. A storm watch was in full effect for the 3.5 hour drive to the venue. We decided we’d drive until it seemed unsafe and make decisions as we go. We wanted to live! Our parents, on the other hand, had strong opinions that the best decision was to skip it and avoid the potential harm from the storm in our path. They wanted us to live!

Now, regardless of your opinion of Phish, “Can I live while I’m young?!” might still ring some bells for you when you imagine something that ignites your zest to live and you find yourself in a similar scenario.

Both perspectives come from wanting to live and are valid, yet come with competing ideas of what that looks like in action. This deep paradox is at the center of many of our struggles. When we can stop seeking to resolve these differences and instead learn how to be with them, endure them, we can learn to make easier decisions in the face of them. A constant quest to convince others that you know best can quickly lead to uphill battles or complete standstills. The important thing is to not get paralyzed by the paradox. How can you find peace and make confident decisions while holding both simultaneously without judgment?

We simply cannot please everyone so let’s stop making that the goal. Instead, how can we find contentment within ourselves while holding competing opinions with equal respect? The hope is that as we allow the ones we love to express what they believe is best we make it easier on ourselves when we inevitably disagree. Just as we do on the drums, we can hang in there through the dissonance, respecting its place in the larger groove and trust it gets easier to return to a synchronized rhythm on the other side.