We Don't Need to Understand Each Other to Respect Each Other

We spend so much time trying to understand. We spend so much energy trying to make others understand us. What is this obsession with understanding? What happens if we let go of needing to understand and be understood? We accept that there are things we don’t understand and there are things that others don't understand about us. And then we move from there. So what does that look like?

We can move away from conversations looking to arrive somewhere, agree, convince, or prove something. Instead we can lean into conversations looking to connect, acknowledge, feel a desirable way, play and create. It sounds hard and it can get tricky. Personally, I believe it starts with recognizing that we don’t need to understand each other to respect each other.

When we lead with respect, it can become easier to engage in a disagreement with someone. We can rely on our chosen perspective that all people are entitled to their experiences in this life and while we may not see eye to eye with each other we can, at the very least, respect that we are each having our own unique and valid experience. Before jumping into an argument with the need to convince someone of what you see or seek their understanding of where you’re coming from, perhaps you can instead ask that they respect your differing viewpoint and allow the differences to be what they are.

How much time might we save? How much energy might we discover we can reallocate with our loved ones away from seeking agreement and into seeking presence? The first try may feel awkward, wrong even. How can I just let them misunderstand me? With enough practice, we may discover what else is available to us when we put the need to be understood down and instead allow what is, to be. We may discover that at the heart of it all lives an even stronger need – the one to love and be loved – and well, the rest can just melt away.